How to Escape the Valley of Despair

They say the first step is the hardest.

But that hasn't been true for me lately.

There's a Valley of Despair waiting for those who get past the first few steps down a new path… and it can destroy your progress if you aren't ready for it.

I'm going to tell you what it is, why it happens, and how to avoid it. But first I'll tell you my story.

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I'm The Problem

Last year I set big goals for myself. Scaling a company with friends, growing on social media, and getting in a relationship were the main ones. But I wasn't making progress toward any of them.

It wasn't because I didn't want to work. I didn't get distracted by Netflix, video games, or other time sucks. I woke up in the morning fully intending to do what I needed to do.

But it didn't happen as often as it should have. Every day I woke up exhausted, brain fogged, and mentally fragmented. The days felt like they were lost before they even started. I'd sit at my computer zoned out barely able to function. I'd do a little task here, finish a small thing there, then before I knew it another day was wasted.

Days became months became over a year.

I was letting down my team, the people I could help with my content, and my future girlfriend.

I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I truly wanted to do the work. So why the fuck wasn't I doing it?

One day I realized the core problem was my health. I had let my body (and my mind) get into an extremely unhealthy state. I was over 340lbs, I was overthinking everything, and I was paralyzed by anxiety over things I couldn't control.

I already knew I was unhealthy. But I thought I could outwork my health. I know some people can… but I couldn't manage to do so.

So, back in October, I resolved to improve my health so that I could become the man I needed to be to achieve the goals I had set.

The first step on that journey was easy. I knew what I needed to do. I had lost 170lbs several years ago (then gained most of it back in 2020-2021). I started losing weight on November 11th, 2024, and as of today (July 26th, 2025), I've lost 61lbs so far.

The journey was easy for a while.

But then I found myself in…

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The Valley of Despair

A few months ago I started feeling depressed even though things were moving in the right direction. I had lost 40lbs, improved my habits, and gotten more productive (though still not anywhere close to what I needed to be).

But as the weeks passed… my mood declined.

I had reached the Valley of Despair.

Imagine you're on a road trip. You started out excited. You've driven a long way. But suddenly you're lost in the middle of nowhere with no idea how far you have left to go.

The doubts start creeping in - what if you never reach your destination?

You've made undeniable progress. But it feels meaningless.

Your Valley of Despair lies between you and what you want to achieve. Learning a new skill. Building a business. Changing habits. Losing weight. Dating.

I reached mine when I realized that despite losing over 40lbs… I didn't feel better. I still saw a bloated version of myself in the mirror. I was still cripplingly fatigued from the moment I woke up so I didn't have enough energy to consistently execute on business, content, or anything else yet.

It was devastating to have put in so much effort, and make objective "progress", but not feel like I was getting closer to the things I was doing it for.

This actually made me feel worse because I had expected to be feeling better.
Why Are We Like This?

What I just described is a feature - not a bug. Let me explain:

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Dopamine: From Hero to Zero

Your brain rewards you for progress at first.

Lose a pound? Dopamine hit. Finish a big task? Dopamine hit. Write a newsletter like this one? Dopamine hit.

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter of motivation. When an action triggers it, your brain records that as "do that again", and so you'll feel the urge to repeat that action.

That's great when you actually feel like you're making progress.

But if you're putting in the work, and you aren't seeing results, then your brain goes "welp this is fucking pointless" and stops giving you those dopamine hits.

No dopamine equals no motivation.

It doesn't matter how far you've gotten. If you aren't actually feeling like you've made progress from the effort, the brain will stop motivating you to put in that effort.

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Survival (Dis)advantage

Your brain has one job:

Keep you alive (at least long enough to pass down your genes).

So it's wired to obsess over anything that's wrong instead of celebrating what's right.

That made sense when our ancestors had to watch out for sabertooth tigers popping out of rustling bushes. The caveman who celebrated finding berries instead of scanning for threats got eaten. So the brain evolved a survival mechanism - negative things matter more than positive things.

But this "survival advantage" makes life harder on us today.

Instead of celebrating the 40lbs I had lost, my brain fixated on everything that was still wrong. Still fat, still tired, still unproductive. Even though I was winning… my brain told me I was losing.
Are We There Yet?

Meaningful change takes longer than we'd like it to.

Your prefrontal cortex (logical brain) understands this. But your limbic system (emotional brain) is like a kid screaming "are we there yet???" every 5 minutes.

The harsh reality is this gap between effort and results is how real change works. Logically, we accept it. Emotionally, we fucking hate it.

So now that you know how the brain is designed to sabotage us with the Valley of Despair…

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Here's How to Escape

Give Yourself a Reality Check

Here's the truth I finally had to accept:

I shouldn't have expected to feel better yet. Yeah, I had lost 40lbs, but I was still around 290lbs. I had just gone from "extremely unhealthy" to "moderately unhealthy". Of course I was still absolutely miserable. Of course my energy was still garbage. Of course I still wasn't attractive.

Parts of your journey will be unrewarding. But you'll never reach the rewarding parts unless you push your way through the unrewarding ones.

So the choice is, give up when you don't get what you want, or continue onward so you can get it.

But ask yourself - what the fuck else are you going to do? Live the rest of your life with the knowledge that you quit on your goal? I personally can't imagine a much worse mental hell than that.

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Hack Your Dopamine

Your brain stopped rewarding you for progress? Then you have to reward it instead.

In my example of weight loss, instead of focusing on "do I feel better?", look at milestones like pounds lost, workouts completed, and days at calorie goal.

Give yourself a reward when you hit those milestones.

This triggers dopamine, so your brain associates effort = milestone = reward, and it keeps motivating you to put in the effort.

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Define Your Future Self

Ask yourself who you want to become.

I don't just want to lose weight to be an average dude. I want to lose weight to become a guy who's energetic, confident, and productive. I have a vision of myself I'm working to bring into reality.

Your brain doesn't care about "future you". MRI studies show your brain literally thinks of future you as someone else entirely. That's another reason why it pulls you toward things that lead to present comfort versus future progress.

But if you can clearly define the version of yourself you want to become, then your brain will start associating itself with that identity, and so it'll be motivated to act consistently with that identity.

Take 10 minutes to write out details about your future self. Things like their health, what they do, how they're perceived by others, and so on.

It took me way too long to find my way out of the Valley of Despair. The time I lost in it contributed to me losing one of the most important things I've ever had. That's why I wanted to write about this topic for you today - to hopefully save you from a similar outcome.

Keep pushing forward.

Joey Justice

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